KILL CARMINE I SAY

Gears Of War 3 is almost going to be released and I would like to discuss whether or not the new Carmine (Clayton to be precise) will die or survive.
If you are a fan of the Gears Of War series you will know that in each game, a certain character dies: Anthony Carmine in the first one and Benjamin Carmine in the second one. Both of these characters die (thankfully).

Anthony Carmine gets sniped down by a Locust in the first Gears Of War:

In Gears Of War 2, Benjamin Carmine gets shot, falls into the worms mouth and is then partly soaked in stomach acids and attacked by creatures within the worm.

Personally I think that this Carmine should die to keep this theme off the Carmine's death.

Should he die?

However, this is just my opinion; I would like your say in this as well.

Is Duke Nukem Forever Worth The Wait?

Now as many gamers know, Duke Nukem Forever is coming out this year (hopefully). I'm saying hopefully because there has been so many delays. It is now delayed until June instead of May. Now, I have been a fan of Duke Nukem since I was 10 and the anticipation for this game is unbearable for me. Along with the Doom series, Duke Nukem is, by far, one of my personal favourites because he is an excessively horny badass.

However, the problem for me with this game is the delays for it's actual release, this has drawn me back because (especially with newer games based on old school series) it could end up crap. Overall, It's up too you, because even if it is bad, I'm still getting it.

Here's the trailer:

Cannibal Corpse - OH YEAH

Now let's talk about the lyrics by one of the most brutal Death Metal bands that's out there, yes I'm talking about Cannibal Corpse:

Now for those who have heard this group's music, you will understand how hard it is too understand what they are saying, when you read the lyrics you just realise how brutal they are: here is a line from the song "Entrails Ripped From A Virgin's Cunt":

"Forbidden lust for guts
Ripped from her cunt
Tears of blood cry down her thigh

I ram my fist inside her hole
From her crotch piss now flows
Rectum filled with shit
I fucked her emptied body
Until she became stiff"

Now isn't that more child friendly than Justin Bieber? I think so, even their album covers are more interesting than the album covers of a generic musician:

Isn't this more child-friendly?

Even their music videos are child friendly

Make Them Suffer



However this is how Cannibal Corpse should do their stuff

In the end, I just have to say: why do people have to ramble on about a band's lyrics as though they are a bad influence? Sure they are vile and repulsive but there are a lot worst things out there.

Rebecca Black's Friday: The Good Version

Now let's talk about this putrid, foul puke stain that has come out of america: Rebecca Black. The generic musician that is so ghastly at singing that she has to autotune at an excessive level. While looking at the lyrics, I thought to myself "has Scotland got their own version, so I am going to do the Scottish version so here we go:

"(Aye, oft-oft-oft-oft-oft-goork)
aw-haw-haw, Oh aye aye
Aye
Aye-eh-eh
Aye-eh-eh
Aye-eh-eh
Aye-eh-eh
Aye-eh-eh
Aye, aye, aye

8 a.m. Cannie be a***d this morning
Cannie straighten ma hair, Cannie get doonstairs,
Dinnae have a bowl, dinnae eat cereal,
Cannie eat anyhing cos Ah'm anorexic,
Havin' a cheap fag cos it's fantastic,
Cannie get doon tae the bus stoap,
I'm gettin a lift, I have nae real friends (nae friends)

Drinkin' in the front seat,
S**gging in the back seat,
Goat tae make ma mind up,
Will I drink or s**g?

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get p***ed on Friday
Going tae get wrecked on the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Getting impregnated on Friday,
Gonna be pregnant by the end of the weekend"

You can probably guess the rest of the lyrics from here.

Joel Schumacher = Idiot!!!!!!

The worst Batman film ever was Batman And Robin. In 1997 a generic director named Joel Schumacher decided to make a Batman film. This would be classified as the worst Batman film in history. Batman and Robin had a decent cast, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman and George Clooney. However even though it had such a promising cast and looked good, it was in fact a talentless blabber of terrible jokes and very bad one-liners. When I first heard Arnold Schwarzenegger was playing Mr Freeze, I thought wow this'll be good. When I saw the film, I thought to myself: oh god no, Arnie must be hanging his head in shame. However the major flaw is Joel Schumacher being allowed to make this movie and let it see the light of day.

NO

His idea for a good Batman film contains Sexual Innuendos, nipple shots and shots of Batman's bum in the latex suit. Also, Arnold Schwarzenegger has what could only be known as the worst one-liners ever and these are made bad because it is all related to cold, ice etc. His acting was most likely at his worst and if he isn't shaking his head when asked about this film: he sure as hell better.

Overall Batman And Robin is a terrible film which should not see the light of day.

Peace Out,

Partly Stuck In The Closet

Now here's a definition of the word bisexual:

sexually attracted by both men and women.

For 5 years of my life I have been open about the fact that I'm Bisexual, although I am more attracted to men than women. Now why am I telling my readers this.

The reason I am telling you this is because I would look like to give my readers an explanation of how this has affected me and changed me from the person I used to be to now who I am in terms of my personality and tone towards people.

When I came out openly about my sexual orientation, I got a lot of verbal abuse from people I knew, people I don't know, random self-justified drunken religious people and my own family and friends.

Father Jack - Random Drunk Religious Guy

The stuff they were saying to me were the usual "Oh, you're just curious", "You're just confused" or "Quit seeking attention". However, some statements that stick in my head is "You do realise you are going to burn in Hell if you don't change your sinfully lustful ways" and "You are f*****g whore, you realise that you c***". As time progressed, my situation got worst and within days, the abuse heightened to the point of assault and I was essentially afraid to even walk out my house at risk of being beaten to a bloody mess.
3 weeks later I was brutally assaulted by a group of supposed drunken chavs who would have most likely either killed right there and then or put me into a coma through which I would have to suffer silently until the day I did die. Back then, however I would have hoped they would kill me but most likely I would be in the latter situation. Luckily for me, the police had come and they all ran away leaving me as a bloody heap of flesh and bone upon the floor.
5 years later and I'm still here, living and breathing, the abuse is still rolling in like the wheels of a car, however now the insults are merely the generic babbling of an immature person who merely believes that she is the coolest person on earth. Here is a prime example of what she has recently said to me:
Immature person: "Gies a fag"
Me (in an emotionless tone): "No"
Immature person: "Can I use your lighter"
Me: "Don't have one"
Immature person: "I saw you light up earlier"
Me: "I'm using matches"
Immature person: "Can I have a match"
Me: "No"
Immature person: "Why the f**k not you curly haired freak?"
Me: "Why should I? Give me one good reason"
Immature person: "Because I'm straight"
Me: "No, you homophobe"
Immature person: "I'm not gay, unlike you, you bisexual c**t"
Me: "Are you that stupid that you don't know the meaning of HOMO-PHOBE?"
Immature person: "Go smoke your boyfriend"
Me: "2 things: first of all, learn how to make an understandable sentence and second of all: I might actually have a smoke"
Immature person: "Can I have a fag"
Me: "No"
A normal day in the life of a Burntislander. The fact that this fool actually assumed that this would actually offend me just helps to show how shallow, ignorant and excessively pretentious that most people are in relation towards the insults towards sexuality. To be honest these insults are most likely the insults said by 5 year olds and not 15 year olds.
In an incident a couple of years ago (2 to be precise) I went to donate blood and got told I am not able to just because I am bisexual. This was a massive blow to me because I wanted to donate my blood, but the system labels me as having (in the words of Irvine Welsh) "shite for blood."
Thankfully the LGBT community may be able to donate blood in the near future as the government are taking this under consideration. However this may be due to desperation for new donors but still, it helps to ensure that many more lives are most likely going to be saving lives. It suggests that the government is paranoid about most lesbians, gays and bis have HIV and AIDS, however this is not true seeing as straight people could have and people who get excessive tattoos could get hepatitis or some other blood disease.

Japan

Now for something a lot more serious:

Blogging has helped people from all over the world have a much deeper understanding of the Japan Tsunami and the chaos ensued within the aftermath of this terrible natural disaster. The use of internet blogging has allowed people within the stricken country, to notify the world of how the situation is working; an example of this is a webcam being placed in front of a Geiger counter which is within one of the many nuclear power plants. This helps because it is able to tell us whether or not the risk of the plant exploding is extremely high or not as high. Another blog is from an American, who has a friend in Japan and he, somehow, compares the disaster to a team losing an American Football game. Some blogs are discussing about how it happened and other blogs are rather unrealistic (such as Earthquake Weapon caused the disaster in Japan). This is clearly some conspiracy-theory rubbish and is so unrealistic. It states that this Earthquake weapon “HAARP” was made with alien technology. It is a rather harsh blog I believe. Some blogs are actually telling their readers how they donate the money which is rather interesting to see as it helps to show how much many of these bloggers actually care about what has happened in this currently stricken country. Some blogs have even helped to explain how this disaster has affected the rest of the world and the economies in many of the richer countries and the consequences for us if the situation gets worst in the country (i.e. the power plants exploding). It just goes to show you how caring people are. If you are reading this, I implore you, please give a minute silence for those that had died and if you could please donate to help those who are suffering get back on their feet.

 If you are unsure about how to donate money for them then here are a few sites:

RED CROSS:

http://www.redcross.org.uk/japantsunami/?approachcode=68816_googlePAD5JpTs&gclid=CI_O1vrn1acCFdFX4Qodij5x9g

GLOBALGIVING:

http://www.globalgiving.co.uk/pr/6500/proj6443a.html?gclid=CN6V7Zfo1acCFUtC4QodLxvd8g

Don't Do Anything For Dethklok

Now here's my next review. I am talking about Metalocalypse, the brutal metal cartoon from Adult Swim. Being a fan of Metal for years, I had always wondered when there would be a metal themed TV series and it came a few years ago.

METALOCALYPSE

The general story is about the biggest band in the world: Dethklok and the problems they cause due to their stupidity, meanwhile a secret cult are planning on destroying Dethklok in order to prevent the Metalocalypse from happening. This is essentially Spinal Tap mixed with excessive blood and gore. Dethklok are a 5 membered Death Metal band: Skwisgaar Skwigelf (taller than a tree) on lead guitars; Toki Wartooth (not a bumblebee) on rythm guitars; William Murderface (Murderface Murderface) on Bass Guitar; Pickles (doodily doo ding dong doodily doodily doo) on Drums and Nathan Explosion on vocals. The secondary characters, include Doctor Rockzo (who does cocaine), Charles Foster Offdensen (Dethklok's manager) and Dethklok Minute Host.

So let's get the review done.

Metalocalypse is an amazing show, it is funny, witty and violent. The music is talented and "brutal" a perfect example of talented animation. The members look like actual musicians (such as Nathan Explosion looking like Type O Negative's Peter Steele and Pickles looks like Devin Townsend). If you are a metalhead, then I do suggest this for you.

It's Not A Waste Of Life pt 2

5) The Usual Suspects

Yes, the critically acclaimed Usual Suspects is a beast of a film. This is a powerful film which makes the watcher think. The ending of this film will blow you're mind and you will not expect it whatsoever. An amazing film, with one of the most iconic scenes in film history.

4)  Control

This film is a biopic of Joy Division's vocalist Ian Curtis. The story is all about how he joined the band and his downfall to the point of his suicide. A beautifully made film about one man's downward spiral.

3) Oldboy

The Korean film about a man's imprisonment in a single isolated room for 15 whole years. Disturbing at some points, but what do you expect from Asian movies. A brilliantly done film where the ending will mess you over as it is what you do not expect.

2) Midnight Express

This film is based upon a true story about a man who went to a Turkish prison for attempting to smuggle hash into America. A perfectly done film, but can be disturbing at some parts.

Now here is the one film I strongly recommend people should watch.

1) Antichrist

Now I'm sure the readers of this will think this is about the apocalypse, but I can tell you right now this has nothing to do with Satanism or has it got themes of Satanism. Willem Dafoe is amazing in this film. It is rater disturbing and grotesque but even so it is a powerful film which I would strongly recommend readers of this blog to check out.

It's Not A Waste Of Life pt 1

Here is the contrast of the "It's A Waste Of Life" series. Here are 10 films I personally recommend you watch:

10) Dogtooth

A highly disturbing film which is based on a true story, Dogtooth is the story of a family (except from the father) who are isolated from the rest of the world and are alienated to believe that the rest of the world is chaos. It is a rather twisted movie which contains scenes of incestual sex. A good movie but absolutely grotesque.

9) Shallow Grave

A great film directed by Danny Boyle. This deals with a man's decent into madness, after he was pressured, by his friends, to bury his roommate as well as cut off this guys hands, feet and tear out his teeth. A horridly brilliant story and an amazing movie.

8) The Acid House

Another fine film, it is based on 3 short stories from contemporary Scottish writer Irvine Welsh (most known for writing Trainspotting. A rather disturbing film which takes you through the lives of 3 different characters. Another great film.

7) American History X

A great film which deals with a former neo-nazi skinhead tries to prevent his younger brother from going down the same wrong path that he did. A beautifully created film.

6) Scanners

A good movie, this deals with humans who have mind powers and are able to kill people with them. Excessively violent and gruesome. This is a film I would recommend to anyone, even if they dislike horror movies.

It's A Waste Of Life pt 2

now for 5 movies I don't recommend

5) Super Mario Bros

Now when you think Super Mario Bros you think of small, red and Italian plumber killing turtles, goombas and eating mushrooms which makes him tall. The film version is this: Italian-American plumbers enter an alternative world to save a girl and in this world they face evolved dinosaurs who would like to merge their dimension with Earth. A good attempt but still a terrible movie. Dennis Hopper portrayed King Koopa and Bob Hoskins starred as Mario. Overall, a film which should not be shown the light of day.

4)Resident Evil Afterlife

The Resident Evil live movies have always been bad, but this one just takes the biscuit. The problem was the fact that although they officially brung in the main villain from the game series, Wesker, they made a horrendous adaptation of him along with limiting his screen time overall. I can't believe I sat through this one, it was terrible and I strongly do not recommend you watch it.

3) Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me

Now, Twin Peaks is a cult classic TV series all about a murder in a small isolated town. The film was all about who murdered the character and the build up to how it happened and who did it. It was a good idea, but when the film was shown it was not as appreciated as the TV series it was based on.

2) Alien Versus Predator 2: Requiem

Now the Alien film series was great and the Predator series was amazing. The first Alien Versus Predator movie was OK, but the sequel was just bad. The look of the film was dire, the plot was bad and to be quite honest it should have never been shown the light of day.

And now for my personal worst movie. At number 1 is:
1) The Host

A Korean movie. The Host has been given appreciation for being a decent monster movie. My opinion is that The Host is a bad movie: the plot is fairly confusing; The acting is terrible and is so silly that it almost tops the silly acting from the iconic Monty Python movies. There is very little horror and the ending was pointless as it tries to imply that in the end, the Americans come along to save the day. Monster movie fans may enjoy this, but I don't like it.

I Need Hooch

Bruce Campbell's "If Chins Could Kill! Confessions Of A B Movie Actor" is a book I have just read and to be honest I feel that I should write a review. As you readers know, I posted a blog last month about why Bruce Campbell should get more appreciated than he is (even if he has done his fair share of terrible movies). His book is amazingly done, he explains about his life and how he got into the acting business. It also explains the difficulties of getting into the entertainment business and how brutal the filming of Sam Raimi's cult classic "Evil Dead" was. For anyone who wants to get into the entertainment industry (whether it is acting, radio, directing or producing) I strongly recommend you give this a read. One of the reviews on the back of this book is one which I strongly agree on:
"If you only read one book this year, then you are an illiterate fool. But this should be the book you read."
The fact that it is so much more interesting to read than the biographies of bigger actors (where the pictures are all crammed into the middle of the book) this one has much more exploitative points related to the film industry and how difficult it is to make a film.
I'd give this book 5 out of 5 stars because it is witty.

Great Book

It's A Waste Of Life Pt 1

Now today is usually when I add a new "I'm Busy Right Now" post, but I can't be bothered. Instead I will talk about 10 movies which I do not recommend anyone to watch.

10) Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire

The other Harry Potter films were perfectly done, even though there was a problem when the director had changed. But the fourth film was absolutely terrible. The films inaccurate interpretation of one of the best out of the series was terrible, Robert Pattinson was rubbish as Cedric Diggery and in general it was done too quickly. The fact some of the most essential and most entertaining points of the book were not in the film (and even the important parts that they added were badly adapted) brung this down. It seemed that they were just wanting it done because they couldn't care less about it. Certain points (such as the Quidditch World Cup and it's Aftermath were not done well, along with the 3rd task of the Triwizard tournament) did not stick accurately to the book and fans of the harry potter franchise were very disappointed with it in general.

9)THE CORE

Another repetitive and cliched disaster movie: a squad of people are sent to save the earth from a large destructive force, in the case of this film: The core of the Earth itself. The plot is similar to that of all disaster movies and ends in a similar way: the human race succeed in saving the earth. The cast wasn't good, the dialogue was dull and it is something that you seem to have seen in another film. For me, the fact is disaster movies are all the same and cliched so much.

8) TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES

Most people will disagree with me on this and say "It's alright" or "it was done quite well". You may be right, however I found this film horrendous and pointless. The fact is that at the end of Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Sarah and John Connor defeated Skynet and prevented the war. What do they do? They make a sequel which suggests that skynet came back and that Sarah and John Connor only stalled Skynet. Arnold Schwarzenegger is the only reason that some one would watch this as he goes back to his iconic role of the Terminator, but even so it doesn't change my mind on how terrible this film was.

7) BATMAN AND ROBIN

Joel Schumacher can never do a brilliant Batman film. This is clear evidence that he can't do a good Batman film. With Batman, you'd expect a lot of action instead make way for really terrible jokes and terrible lines. George Clooney portrays the Dark Knight, Arnold Schwarzenegger portrays Mr Freeze amd Uma Thurman stars as Poison Ivy. The problem with this is everything about it. Arnie's terrible cold-related one-liners are just the icing on this cake of badness. George Clooney's acting in this film is horrendous and another problem is have Bane as a servant when in fact he is a big villain within the comic books. Thank goodness Joel Schumacher isn't the maker of the newest Batman films.

6) SCARY MOVIE 4

In comparison to Scary Movie 1-3, the fourth film was dire. The problem was the fact it was going away from the horror genre and closer to the sci-fi genre (such as War Of The Worlds). The humour was similar and there are a lot more sexual innuendos than usual. Also some jokes were repetitive and have been seen in all of them (such as the car running someone over at the end). There is nothing original whatsoever and the writers must have been really desperate for ideas to come up with this.
Stay tuned for part 2.

Bleed You Will Part 1

When I say "Film Villains" what comes straight to your head? Would Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers or Chucky be the first villains you think off, or are do you think of villains like Alex from A Clockwork Orange, John Ryder from the Hitcher or Norman Bates from Psycho. You are probably asking yourself what's the difference between all these villains. The answer is this: these villains convey the human condition or the darker side of human nature and that is what this blog is going to be all about. This is my top 20 favourite human villains from cinema (in no specific order). There will be no Darth Vader, Chucky or Pinhead so don't even ask why they are not here. Let's start.

CAPTAIN RHODES (DAY OF THE DEAD - 1985)
Captain Rhodes is a cold hearted military man who is in charge of an Underground US Army Bunker near the Everglades. He is in command of everyone there including the scientists who are trying to find a cure to the zombie virus. He is a tyrant within the base and threatens to kill anyone who disagrees with him. He is cold, merciless and is absolutely evil in every single way. At the end of the film he is torn in half by a zombie horde who enter the base and his final words are "Choke on 'em" as he watches the zombies eat his intestines. He shows the darker side of the human condition because he does not care about anyone but himself and will kill anyone standing in his way.

Capt. Rhodes

MR. BLONDE (RESERVOIR DOGS - 1992)

As discussed in 2 of my blogs ("I'm Busy Right Now Part 1" and "Reservoir Fiction Or Pulp Dogs") Mr Blonde is a twisted character. He is sadistic and cold-hearted. He will kill anyone who doesn't listen to them and essentially he was to blame for the Diamond heist going wrong after killing the people who set of the alarms. Later on we are shown how evil he truly is when he begins to torture a police officer with a straight razor while dancing to the song "Stuck In The Middle With You", he then cuts off the police officers ear and leaves to get a gasoline can with which he soaks the cop. At the end of the song, he is about to set the police officer alight until he gets shot by Mr. Orange and dies. He shows the worst of the human condition due to him having no care about life and is willing to kill anyone who puts him at risk of going back to prison.

Mr Blonde



THE JOKER (THE DARK KNIGHT - 2008)

In terms of this Batman villain, The Dark Knight's change of The Joker is highly appraised by critics everywhere. Instead of him having a grotesque grin on his face, he wears a "Glasgow Smile" and has facial scars from child abuse and self-mutilation. He usually carries with him a wide range of knives, but he also uses explosives and guns. His face (unlike every other adaptation) wasn't chemically changed, it's just make-up. In this adaptation he is responsible for the creation of Two-Face. He conveys the worst of the human condition because he has no care in the world for anyone and brings Gotham City to his knees. He is sadistic, violent and just wants chaos.

The Joker

JOHN DOE (SEV7EN - 1995)

Now another person I have discussed in a previous blog; John Doe from the 1995 David Fincher film is a cold and ignorant man who strongly feels that his belief is the only reason he needs to validate his crimes. The way he kills his victims is related to the deadly that is related to them (such as force-feeding a fat man food until his stomach bursts or forcing a lawyer to cut out a pound of his flesh to weigh on scales - symbolising greed). He believes that God told him to commit these crimes. He is a brilliant example of the worst of the human condition because he uses his faith as a reason.

John Doe



LEATHERFACE (THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE - 1974)

Leatherface is a mentally challenged man who wears a mask of human flesh (hence the name). He kills his victims for 2 reasons: because he is told so by his family; and because he was treated like a freak due to his facial disfigurement. Another possible reason he kills is because he is afraid of strangers and can't stand them being in his home. He is another great example of the worst of the human condition because he shows desperation and fear and how it can turn someone completely mosntrous.

Leatherface

PATRICK BATEMAN (AMERICAN PSYCHO - 2000)

Patrick Bateman is a rich man who works for the investment firm "Pierce and Pierce" and lives next to Tom Cruise. He is a rich, greedy, vain and shallow man who loves to murder people (including prostitutes). During the film you see him slowly break down into a madman on a murdering rampage. He kills fellow workers who have better business cards than him, kills a homeless man and his dog as well as killing some prostitutes for no reason. He is a great example as it shows the mental deterioration of someone from a highly intelligent man into a cold-hearted lunatic.

Patrick Bateman



BILL "THE BUTCHER" CUTTING (GANGS OF NEW YORK - 2002)

Bill "The Butcher" Cutting is a racist, arrogantly proud man who runs the derelict "5 point" district in New York. Violent, aggressive and sadistic; he is one of the hardest men in that district. He despises the different races within the district and wants to get rid of them all. His nickname comes from killing his victims with knives and cutting them up, also because he is a butcher. He is another example of the worst of the human condition, because it shows how shallow and close-minded he is.

Bill "The Butcher" Cutting



NORMAN "STAN" STANSFIELD (LEON - 1994)

Stansfield is an insane and corrupt DEA agent. He murdered a whole family (including the kids) because he lost some money from a dealer. He doesn't care about anyone but himself and is willing to let anyone else die, as long as he survives. He is killed by an explosion. Another example of the worst of the human condition as he is willing to kill anyone in his way and has the power to destroy anything just to get one man.

Norman "Stan" Stansfield

NORMAN BATES (PSYCHO - 1960)

Norman Bates is a motel owner who murdered his own mother and kept her hidden in the basement. He acts calm and patient, but is in fact a cold-blooded killer. He has 3 personalities, "Norman": his child personality, "Norma": his mother and "Normal": a barely functional human being. Another brilliant example of the worst of the human condition as he is able to transcend from a polite man to a bloodthirsty psychopath.

Norman Bates



JOHN RYDER (THE HITCHER - 1986)

John Ryder (or the hitcher) is a very twisted villain and is a perfect way to end part one of this blog. He is a cruel character with no regards to any form of life, he is a relentless man who has a thirst for blood. The way he selects is victims is simple meaning that anyone's chance of survivial is slim. This is probably one of the most perfect examples of the worst side of the human condition because he has no reason to kill people and he will keep killing people until his last breath.

John Ryder



Stay tuned for part 2.